nickbennett_blog

Tag: children

  • Fatherhood

    Sleepless nights, tantrums, and strange coloured pooh. These are just some of the side effects of being told you’re going to be a father. The fundamental fact of things is that we men, by our very nature, aren’t built for this. We are built like a B52 squadron. Deliver the package and get the hell outta there. Women, on the other hand, have a natural instinct to have kids by the time they hit puberty. A lot of girls in my school needed no further encouragement.

    Society has drilled into us what a stable family looks like. We’ve all seen The Waltons. Although, how many sodding kids do you need. I know it was set in the 30s before the ‘ribbed for her pleasure’ prophylactics but I’m sure the Dad could of put a sock on it? Any hoot, back to my point. The image of this family life is a portrayal and it isn’t natural, so for us men, it takes a lot for us to fight off the urge to get the hell out of dodge. It’s pathetic and don’t you think we know this. We’d never envisioned it to be like this. We had it all planned. The platinum albums, the World Cup winner’s medal, and the Nobel prizes. By accepting fatherhood, it’s like you’re accepting defeat the dream is OFFICIALLY over.

    So 3 months or so back Hannah tells me the news! Still a shock at the best of times let alone on day one of a ‘month off the booze’. For some reason, my logic assumed it would take a lot longer. Hannah had been on the pill since she was 17 so to conceive within 3 months was a shock. It all seemed surreal until our first scan. It left me breathless. There was our little dude/dudette. It hit me for 6. Time to man up Len! We cleared the spare room (nursery) which involved boxing up my songbooks, guitars, and football memorabilia. No bitterness just a slight sadness that I hadn’t seen through these hobbies to their fullness. I hope that one day I’ll open up these boxes and have someone to share these past times with. So a new chapter in this saga I call life. As one door closes another opens and all that jazz. I get the butterfly feeling of excitement when I think about what’s behind door number 1.

  • Youth and Beauty

    The States has given us KFC and the Playboy channel, but like everything, there needs to be complete equilibrium. So to weigh down the negative side of the see-saw they’ve also given us a ridiculous litigation culture. Also, Uncle Sam has inspired us to have our own Little Miss beauty pageants! In case you’re not familiar with this concept, it’s where mentally unstable Mothers (the ones that put silly coats on dogs) dress their young daughters up like high-class escorts and parade them in front of everyone.

    Like little girls aren’t scary enough! With the fake tan and too much rouge, they look even more terrifying. What’s more terrifying is that these Mothers exist and that there aren’t just a few of them there seems to be enough of them to warrant an entire pageant! I did a little research into what possible reasons could justify these contests.

    1. It’s a chance for our daughter to gain confidence
    2. It’s a chance for Mother and Daughter to become closer
    3. Sometimes agents attend these events looking for the next child stars

    What a load of Bollocks! There are a million and one things out there that parents can do with their kids. What lessons can these kids possibly be learning from these contests? Psychology 101 tells us that what happens to a person in their childhood affects them in later years. So how will the losers of these contests be affected? I’m not beautiful enough 🙁 I’m a loser 🙁 I’m going to chop up anyone prettier than me with this blunt axe 🙂

    Even the winner will be under the impression that beauty alone makes you a success in life. OK, maybe not a complete falsehood but I imagine in 40 years’ time when the looks have faded the high streets will be awash with drunk middle age women screaming ‘I won little miss Southend in 2010 you know!’ to anyone who’ll listen. Well, it might happen.

    What’s already started to happen is mothers putting their daughters under the knife to achieve ‘Perfection’. How the hell did that conversation go?

    Mother: ‘You are the most beautiful thing in the world to us!’

    Child: ‘Thanks Mum’

    Mother: ‘Although, your ears do stick out a little too far’

    Child: ‘…Mum?’

    Mother: ‘Your lips could be a little plumper’

    Child: ‘……MUM!’ (As the psychotic Mother drags her 8-year-old to the surgeon)

    The idea of this really turns my stomach. Kids are meant to be kids. Let them grow up before forcing this shit on them. Unfortunately, we do live in a very shallow world but why let them suffer this fact now? Let them live in their imaginations where everything is perfect for a while before letting reality destroy their dreams. Parents should praise and encourage their children on what they are good at. Even if they aren’t particularly good at it, if they enjoy it, it should be encouraged (within reason, no angry emails about little Tommy who enjoys dissecting cats). Anything that requires some kind of thought and movement, being beautiful is not a hobby (it’s hard work). And besides your child should be the most beautiful thing in the world to you, even if he/she looks like a slapped arse.