Tag: League

  • Super Mega Soccer League

    Super Mega Soccer League

    After Ian Ayre‘s comments about Liverpool FC monopolising the foreign TV rights, it also came out that foreign ownership could force there to be no relegation/promotion from the Premier League. This got my blood boiling to truly molten levels. It inspired my new sci-fi novel…enjoy!

    The year is 2045 and I’m sitting with the grandkids at 7am for the live football. It was decided that everyone using GMT would have to get up at this God-forsaken hour just to accommodate the rest of the World’s need for live action! The 100-inch 4D TV blurts out in a strong American accent ‘Live from Dubai, Barcelona Bears vs Munich Monarchs! That’s right folks it’s day 4 of the Super Soccer League’ I look up to see my eldest grandson wearing a Munich jersey. I tut loudly in his direction.

    ‘What?’ he asks.
    ‘You do realise that Bayern Munich is German?’.
    ‘Not anymore you old fool’ he beams back.

    The TV is showing the league table with only 8 teams still in existence. The London Lions are the only team left that I feel any sort of affiliation with. Especially since international football was cancelled because the players just ‘couldn’t be bovered’ anymore. Once every 4 years, the Lions come to London to play a game. There’s a lottery draw to decide which lucky 4000 non-corporate supporters can go.

    ‘You do realise we used to have a stadium just down the road don’t you’ I mention when the commentary cuts for yet another ad break.
    ‘Really grandad? Did the Madrid Matadors ever play there?’
    ‘erm no, we had our very own team called Southend United’
    ‘What a stupid name! Doesn’t have any threatening nouns in it’

    I decide not to mention the shrimp association.

    ‘Back then of course the names just represented the geological location of the team. They also played 50% of their games at their own stadium!’
    ‘Wow, how on earth did we manage to get enough prawns in for all of those spectators?’
    ‘Back then we used to call them fans and prawn sandwiches weren’t high on the menu. Football was a working-class thing’.

    The kids both look at me as if I’m completely mad. I continue regardless ‘you could buy a ticket watch some football and enjoy a burger, and a beer and still have enough for the bus fare home’. At this point, the ad break finishes and their attention is instantly pulled back to the large screen. The game kicks off and almost instantly there’s a challenge in the area that looks like a penalty. The game stops and the TV screen flashes ‘penalty?’. The two boys fight for the remote control to select their preferred outcome. Meanwhile, the channel cuts to another advert to give the general public time to decide on the penalty claim. I delicately place both barrels of the shotgun into my mouth and cock the hammer…

    I know what you’re thinking ‘surely shotguns won’t exist that far in the future’ but it’s a working progress.

    If we keep heading in this direction and allow foreign businessmen to have their way this bleak future will become a reality. You have been warned!

  • National Disgrace

    Wembley, the history, the dreams, and the £6 soggy pizza. OK, in case you’re wondering why a Southend fan was at Wembley it wasn’t to watch the Quo or to see the Chuckle Brothers (who were in the Rotherham end by the way). It was in fact to watch Dagenham in the league 2 playoff final. The main reason for the visit was to watch Paul Benson (a friend from school) who is currently playing up front for the Daggers.

    The game itself was great. Beano scored and the daggers won 3-2 in a thrilling game. Halftime was a different story! A baying crowd demanded booze from the idle staff. Apparently, it’s essential that alcohol is served at half-time on the dot and not a second before!

    Eventually, I got to the front where the following conversation took place.

    Me : ‘6 beers, a bottle of water, and a slice of pizza please’
    Vendor: ‘Vegetarian or meat’
    Me: ‘Meat’
    Vendor: ‘We only have vegetarian’

    Me: ‘Right!’

    I could sense the angry crowd behind me getting angrier.

    Me: ‘Whatever, just hurry up’

    He proceeded to get the only manky bit of pizza remaining from the shelf and handed it to me. He then started to pour each and every beer individually from bottles. I eventually got my order which cost £30 and I even had a spare 2 minutes to enjoy my £4 beer and £6 rubber bread pizza!

    I’m trying to work out why our national stadium would be so chaotic?? Perhaps it was the fact that the crowd was lower than normal or maybe that Millwall had played the day before (I assume drinking the place dry). The organisers are surely missing a trick here. How often are Dagenham and Rotherham fans going to get to go to Wembley? Why not make it a trip to remember! Without this debacle, fans may choose to come to Wembley for other events like the Quo!

    By the way, I hate the Quo…love the Chuckle brothers!

  • New Season, no optimism

    So a new season is upon us and with that comes the hope of promotion? Not quite! This season’s goal will be the same as last year…survival. Plain and simple. Survival, not just in footballing terms but also in financial terms. I can appreciate why people choose to subscribe to the better leagues and stay at home. It’s cheaper and less hassle. However, you can never fully appreciate the whole drama of a match or a season from your living room.

    So who’s going to keep us afloat? Our chairman (like many others I’m sure) is saying all the right things, but he will always be viewed as a suspicious businessman. A new stadium looks like a distant dream in this difficult time. Football in the lower league as a whole is taking a massive financial hit. This is despite the astronomical figures being spent in the top leagues here and in Spain. Recent examples of Luton’s demise and Tranmere’s E-bay listing does concern me as these are teams I put on par with us. I can only pray that a bored oil sheik may one day stumble across Roots Hall and decide to take a punt. Notts County fans must be delirious!

    Do we look worse off than others in the league? It’s difficult to say, not knowing the ins and outs of all clubs. For us, though the fear set in after last year’s postponement of the team photo due to a lack of playing staff. This year’s team photo was released this week with a miss-match of short-term contracted players, loan players, and eagerly promoted youth players. It doesn’t bode well that we’ve lost our player of the season for ‘greener pastures’ for the past two seasons. It’s worrying that these ‘greener pastures’ are Charlton and Huddersfield!

    I’ll be there tomorrow taking my usual seat in front of the Columbo look-a-like, behind the weirdo, and to the left of Dagenham Kev. I’ll be berating the referee and complaining (under my breath) about the behavior of our resident hooligan. It will be as if I was never away. Why do I do it? Because this is Football, where the underdog can prevail. With our die for the cause captain and our dedicated loyal manager, anything can happen!

    Come on you Shrimpers!